Which Muffler and Exhaust Is the Right One for You?

A new day has dawned. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the fridge is full of beer, and you’re in Hell.

But it’s a good Hell. The kind of Hell we can all only pray for. It is the Hell of indecision – which is very different to the Hell where you’re being tortured by demons with pitchforks and being made to listen to Kanye’s love songs to his terrifying ex-wife.

You sit in front of your computer staring at the SC-Project page. Your eyes are wide and your belly roils with desire as you look at all the muffler options arrayed before you like a smorgasbord of exotic materials promising glorious sound and righteous fury.

It’s a marvellous selection, isn’t it? Each muffler a precision-crafted masterpiece of the exhaust art. Calling them “Mufflers” feels wrong. Mufflers are things which muffle other things, thus rendering them less than what they should be. They should be called “Enhancers”. Or “Sex-Cannons”. Or “Sacred Thunder Tubes”.

But as William Shakespeare observed, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. So it doesn’t matter what kind of anodyne name is given to them. It’s what they do and how they look that matters.

And which SC-Project muffler you choose is what also matters. Very much so. What will your choice of can say about you? Which one will suit your bike better? Which one will sing the song you want to hear over and over again?

Decisions, decisions, decisions…

I cannot make that decision for you. Buying a sex-cannon is a very personal thing. All I can do is humbly offer you a holistic overview of your options. Then the call is all yours. Sitting in front of that computer for the next nine months wracked with indecision like a girl buying a pair of shoes is shameful. And we can’t have that, can we?

CONICO MUFFLER

A classically-shaped thunder-tube crafted from AISI 304 stainless steel, the Conico offers the booming, deep-bass rumble that disintegrates panty-elastic as its tapered sensuality forms goosebumps in intimate places.
It’s perfect for the individual who enjoys polishing stainless steel – a sensual pastime, which is both hugely gratifying and worryingly obsessive.
The Conico harks back to times when bikes leaked oil and exploded like pipe-bombs. It was a dangerous time when only hard-bitten men, their pockets bulging with oily tools, dared to ride these bikes, and police could be bribed with donuts.
No-one makes bikes like that anymore, which is a little sad. But what’s not sad is that you can put different end-caps on the Conico – even mixing caron-fibre with stainless like a true iconoclast.

Road Approved and Race Version

X-PLORER MUFFLER

A lightweight, off-road celebration of titanium, carbon-fibre, and stainless steel, this love-song emitter can even be fitted to bikes which have a left-hand exhaust.
Designed with many hard, long, off-road hours of riding in mind, the X-Plorer will delight you in every situation – whether you’re exploring your local fire-trails, or falling off cliffs in Uzbekistan.
But if you’re falling off cliffs in Uzbekistan, you can easily utilise the muffler’s titanium to buy food and water from the local tribespeople. Or, as you’re sitting around the cook-fires and waiting for your bones to knit, you can entertain the local warlords by holding the muffler up to your mouth and blowing through it. That should keep you alive at least until dawn when you may be able to escape being sold into marriage to cement a tribal alliance.

Available in Road Approved Line Only

SC1-R MUFFLER

The only extra decision you need to make with this rhomboid-shaped explosion-aimer, is whether it would be sexier in matte carbon-fibre or titanium. If you cannot decide, and I do not blame you, buy both versions. It’s the only way you’ll be able to sleep.

The SC1-R is entirely street-legal, so after you’ve been caught showing off to girls, and the police have you handcuffed and glossy with pepper spray, rest assured you won’t be thrown into the back of the prison-van with pockets full of defect notices.

The irregular rhomboid shape of the can has been scientifically tested, and acts in a hypnotic way when people stare too long at it. The mind wants it to be symmetrical, but the eye sees alien-inspired asymmetry. The shape has been proven to cause arousal in lab-rats, but human trials have not yet begun.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

S1 MUFFLER

Flame-arrestor, bitches! Oh Hell, yes! That’s exactly the same uber-sexual honeycomb thingie you’ve seen on pro-level race-bikes. Except it doesn’t so much arrest the flames coming out of your exhaust system as you downshift from 312km/h, as it makes them fan out magnificently – like a demon coughing fire.

Here, the symmetry is divine. A tapering of weaponised titanium, slash-capped with matte carbon-fibre. Few mufflers say “Eat me!” as effectively as the S1. If it was a finger, it would be the middle one.

This is a can devoted to a darkness of sound unheard since Russian war-cannons sent Napoleon’s Grande Armée skulking back to Paris cloaked in cannibalism and suffering.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

OVAL MUFFLER

This gorgeously-rounded expression of sex-howl is available in both racing (Oval Racing) and street-legal iterations. And hang me for a sinner, I know which one I’d be buying. It’s always better to seek forgiveness than to beg permission, ladies.

Thick and compact with engorged potency, you can choose between stainless (with a matte carbon end-cap), titanium, or carbon-fibre.

A supreme spear-point of the exhaust-maker’s artistry, some of the fittings can and should be worn as jewellery. In fact, if SC-Projects wanted another stream of income, I could rock that carbon-fibre fastener as a very manly bracelet.

This is a can which is somewhat subtle in appearance, but rich in potency. Like a badger. It might look like a cuddly little furball, but it beats the crap out of leopards and kills polar bears.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

GP70-R MUFFLER

There’s no muffling anything with this stunning, hate-evil sound-blessing. I’m not even sure why that “muffler” word is even there. Maybe it’s some kind of legal thing.

The GP70-R is all about barking venom, speed, and power at the heavens. Do not even try lying to the cops about this being road-legal. Well, you can try, and you probably should…but look at it. Who’s gonna believe you? He’ll be

Tasering you before you open your fib-spouting mouth.

The GP70-R is all titanium. And evil. And sex. And it looks the part.

This is not one middle finger at the world. This is all of them.

This is kind of can that summons Satan. And then gives him orders.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

GP-M2 MUFFLER

This is the ancestor from which all of SC-Project race cans come from. The grand old stud of all things race. How it was mated with other cans is a secret that cannot be revealed without putting people into therapy.

It’s light, it’s compact, and its artisan-like exposed TIG welds on the angled output segment will have people wondering if you were the actual master-welder behind that art. Pretend you were. It’s not like anyone will know.

You can have it as a pure race muffler or fitted with decibel-killers as a street-legal version. That’s the one that will match your new frock.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

CR-T MUFFLER

You should be worshipping this can on your knees. I am. It is only right and proper.

Look at it. If Mozart made mufflers instead of symphonies, this is what he would create.

The CR-T is simultaneously minimalist sorcery and aesthetic perfection. No other muffler (and I use the term loosely) on this earth can approach the CR-T in either sheer Hail Satan looks, or See Ya Later performance.

The Song of our People cannot be howled with more beauty than out the big hole of this artillery round of a can.

Built to withstand the heat of the sun, and clearly forged by Dark Elves in voodoo forges, just hold out your hands and accept the handcuffs.

This is the one single piece of motorcycle weaponry that speaks in all the languages to all the people. This is a piece of gear which offers no doubts. No ifs. No buts. And certainly no damn maybes. This is the King Daddy.

You should buy two. One in carbon-fibre and one in titanium. Alternate between them. Or wear one as a pendant and put one on your bike.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

CONIC MUFFLER

This is the muffler for those who still harbour doubt about their personal level of evil. You’re not really a serial kill, are you? I mean, you might be one day, and then you’ll buy CR-T can, but until that day comes, you’re going to pretend you’re almost normal.

That’s OK. Sometimes you have to walk before you run.

The Conic is devilishly and traditionally handsome, and you can have it in titanium with a glossy carbon-fibre end-cap, or in matte carbon-fibre with the glossy end-cap – a beguiling decision, that one. Most people don’t even know carbon-fibre comes in gloss or matte forms.

One of the more visually conservative offerings from SC-Project, it gives nothing away in aural pleasure, but gives you that plausible deniability when discussing the state of your licence with the police.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

CONIC ’70S MUFFLER

I lived through the Seventies. There would be no end to the crimes I would have committed to get my hands on a muffler like this. They weren’t even capable of brushing stainless steel to this lustrous finish back then.

This is stylish and offers a basso profundo note that causes those pretty summer dresses to swirl and flutter like the wings of butterflies.

It is crowned in stainless mesh glory at the business end, so your mates can’t push potatoes into your exhaust when you’ve passed out at a party.

Sexy, strong, and no-nonsense, like a cage dancer in a Berlin nightclub, the Conic ’70s can is wicked tradition incarnate.

Available in Road Approved and Race Version Variations

ADVENTURE MUFFLER

There’s more to Adventure riding than pale-grey riding gear that also comes in women’s fittings so you and your girl can rock matching clothes. There’s the whole aural majesty and important weight-saving the SC-Project Adventure muffler brings to the table.

Firstly, the sheer aural pleasure this pipe will bring to every bit of bushland you’ve ever planned on crashing in, cannot be overstated. The birds will sing even louder when they hear you coming.

And secondly, because you’re going to totally overload your Adventure bike in the finest Ewan and Charlie tradition, it’s crucial your exhaust pipe is dedicated to saving weight. There’s no problem including a curling wand in your luggage now.

In terms of sheer panache, few things beat matte black, especially when that matte black is covering an internal pre-chamber muffler, and an all-business double-pipe. This stainless, titanium, and carbon-fibre offering will render even the most war-like savages mute with awe. Do not attempt Burkina Faso or Lithgow without it.

Available in Road Approved Line Only

CONCLUSION

There you go. Sorted. This should make your choice of which SC-Project muffler is the one with your name on it so much easier.

If you’re still torn between two or three of them, the solution is obvious.

Buy more motorcycles.

Author: Boris Mihailovic

Published in Bike Me!, MCNews.com.au, Caradvice.com.au, Red Dirt Diaries, Bikesales.com.au, Smiths Lawyers, XbHP (India), Auto Action, Australian Motorcyclist, Heavy Duty, Ozbike, Live to Ride, Australian Motorcycle News, Road Rider, Kiwi Rider, Two Wheels, Just Bikes, Motorcycling NSW, Top Gear, Wheels, Menace 2 Society, Australian Worker, Zoo, Penthouse, The Picture, People, Motorcycle News (England), Ralph, FHM, Street Machine Choppers and Motorcycle Legends.

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Books published by Hachette: My Mother Warned Me About Blokes Like Me and At The Altar Of The Road Gods.

Book published by Shock & Awe Publishing: The Wisdom Of The Road Gods.

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